| 50 | Miami residents turn on the heat |
| 40 | Californians shiver uncontrollably |
| Wisconsinites go swimming |
| 35 | Italian cars don't start |
| 32 | Water freezes |
| 30 | You can see your breath |
| You plan your vacation to Australia |
| Wisconsinites put on T-shirts |
| Politicians begin to worry about the homeless |
| 25 | Boston water freezes |
| Californians weep pitiably |
| Wisconsinites eat ice cream |
| Canadians go swimming |
| Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you |
| 20 | You can hear your breath |
| Politicians begin to talk about the homeless |
| New York City water freezes |
| Miami residents plan vacation further South |
| 15 | You plan a vacation in Mexico |
| Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you |
| 10 | Too cold to snow |
| You need jumper cables to get the car going |
| 5 | You plan your vacation in Houston |
| 0 | American cars don't start |
| Alaskans put on T-shirts |
| Too cold to skate |
| -15 | You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo |
| Wisconsinites' stick tongue on metal objects |
| Miami residents cease to exist |
| -20 | Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you |
| Politicians actually do something about the homeless |
| Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof |
| -25 | Too cold to think |
| You need jumper cables to get the driver going |
| -30 | You plan a two week hot bath |
| The Mighty Monongahela freezes |
| Japanese cars don't start |
| -40 | Californians disappear |
| Wisconsinites button top button |
| Canadians put on sweaters |
| Your car helps you plan your trip South |
| -50 | Congressional hot air freezes |
| Alaskans close the bathroom window |
| -80 | Hell freezes over |
| Polar bears move south |
| -90 | Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets |