From: Atomic Energy Commission on Wed, Nov 13,
1996 9:46
Subject: Nuke-A-Fridge (TM)
Your office kitchen has been nominated for the Atomic Energy
Commission's experimental Nuke-A-Fridge (TM) program. Aimed at busy
government bureaucracies that can't take the time to follow even
minimal health and environmental guidelines, the Nuke-A-Fridge (TM)
program offers push-button elimination of strange smells, nasty
stains and unsightly mounds of unidentifiable matter seen in office
refrigerators.
How it works: a low-yield, neutron-enriched tactical nuclear device
is inserted in the target appliance. After a user-selectable delay,
the device detonates, sending bursts of gamma radiation throughout
the inner compartment. Waste heat, combined with the gamma radiation,
will either sterilize anything within the compartment or bleach it so
that it tastefully matches the inner porcelain glaze. (There is some
danger of secondary explosions if certain types of decayed foods are
left in the appliance; please take proper precautions.)
This service is offered only to federal bureaucracies as they have
limits on their rights to sue the federal government. We urge you to
act now before large quantities of holiday foods are stuffed into
your refrigerator, leaving no room for the tatical nuke.
This service, if you act soon, is available for only $38,400 per
refrigerator. Or you could just clean the fridge and avoid all
this.